I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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