I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
