if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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