Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
