Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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