I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize