The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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