apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
