It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
