There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize