i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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