Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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