Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
