I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
