The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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