So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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