his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
