i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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