we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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