he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
