she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
