Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
