You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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