i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
