I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
