he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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