I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
