I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
