Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
