I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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