I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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