I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
