when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
