yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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