just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
