somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
