i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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