I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
