Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
