I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
