They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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