where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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