Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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