My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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