Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
