I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
