lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
