What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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