You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
