just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
