This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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