i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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