I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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