She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize