It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
