If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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