I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
