If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize