I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
