I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
