Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
