I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
