I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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