she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
