yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize