mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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