I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
