I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
