well most of my day revolves around power hour
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
