The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
