things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
