Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
