Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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