who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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