i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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