WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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