Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
