Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
