im about as happy as oj after his trial
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
